Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Part 2: Final Analysis! Single, Saved and Celibate

  In the beginning of my journey to stay single and celibate I thought purity had everything to do with not having sex and to my surprise that wasn't even scratching the surface. It was a lifestyle I had to inherit in order to keep myself in what the scriptures like to call the straight and narrow path. The Bible makes it clear that we must live a lifestyle of purity. So the first scripture I referenced too was Philippians 4:8..
     "Whatsoever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy..think about such things"

 I had to first change my thinking and search my heart for the unfavorable things that was contrary to the word of God. Because of my distorted mindset on how love was suppose to be in the worldly context, I had to get rid of my old ways of thinking and learn truth. It’s been both a convicting and humbling process.

1. Guard and keep your heart, thoughts and words pure! I had to stop listening to all of that garbage that they call music today, stop watching reality TV that has misrepresentation of what a “wife” looks like, and most importantly stop reading silly magazines with relationship articles. I had to reclaim my heart and give it back to the King. The world tries to bombard our mind and create false images of what “love” looks like. Don’t be fooled. God is love, and Love is God. Only through him you will find the true fulfillment that your soul desires.

      “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.” Psalm 119:

2. Get in the Word! I can’t tell you how much reading the Bible and prayer has changed my life. I am a new person because of it. I love it and one day without my word I feel like I am loss. It is my compass through those dark days and it’s my book of poetry. In the Bible I have learned I am more than a conqueror ( Romans 8:37 ), I am a lily among thorns (Songs of Solomon 2:2), I can do All things through Christ ( Philippians 4:13 ). It’s affirmation for me to know who I am in the lens of my creator. I am justified, approved and affirmed by a God who thought I was capable of being His leading Lady. Never having to settle for anything but God’s best. READ your word, get understanding!

3. Be content in your Singleness! I really struggled for a while in this area. As woman we are affectionate beings. We like hugs, kisses, cuddling, romance, etc. Sigh, reality is if you’re not married than your single. PERIOD. I don’t care how we play house, have babies with men, go on dates, or meet his parents none of the above qualifies as marriage.  Someone once said The woman who is content with where God has her in life, who is content in her singleness, is not vulnerable to the emotional persuasion of foolish men who wander through her life. This clarified so much for me in my life. Which brings me to my next point.

4.Be mindful of emotional attachments. This goes back to guarding your heart. Don’t give your emotions away to every man who says “hi, beautiful”. We are precious and we must guard our hearts at all cost. If you’re working hard to become a Proverbs 31 woman then surely his character must prove to be Godly. Stay focus, discern and pray. Guard your spirit and treasure. Don’t ever feel bad for asking someone about his intentions with you. You have every right too. Ask yourself, is this relationship leading to marriage or destruction, either way ONE is going to get the victory. 

    5. Surround yourself around good friends. Surround yourself with ladies who can hold you accountable. To be honest I have great friends but a lot of them are not on the same journey I’m on.  Because of that it caused me in the beginning to back slid on a lot of my vows I made before God. It’s the company you keep that influences you the most. It wasn’t until I started to use my social media resources and I found a community of women who were like-minded. I have connected with so many women, read blogs, and testimonies that have encouraged me to stay on this path. God has created some divine relationships that I will forever cherish. I am encouraging you to seek counsel. Don’t be afraid to reach out to women you admire. If they have time, they wouldn’t mind mentoring you.

    6.Lastly, spend time by yourself. Being single for the last 3 ½ years has really brought a lot of awesome rewards. I’ve learned so much about myself and how to enjoy my own company. Whether I’m going to the movies, shopping, vacations, painting my nails, dinner or gym. I absolutely LOVE my ME time. It wasn’t always like this in the beginning, but I disciplined myself. When my friends were going out on Friday nights I opted to rent movies, spend time journaling and reading. I’ve also started my first book, “Dreams of Joy” that will be out this summer. I’ve traveled to numerous countries and now living overseas in London. I am reminded of Ruth when my Boaz finds me I wouldn’t even notice because I will be so busy working in purpose. So Get busy!!!

    I must admit this journey has not been a walk in the park. I’ve fought against my past, other people’s assassinations, and my own insecurities. The deeper I get into my word and the more God places me on platforms the more attacks. The Devil is threatened because I found out Truth through my creator. I recognize what God desires for my life and so many other women and men. I am honoring him with my body, mind and spirit, recognizing that my reward will be great both on earth and heaven. I am also honoring my husband. Proverbs 31:12 says a Wife of Noble Character “Does him (husband) good ALL the days of her life.” So although I haven’t met him yet, or maybe I have. I choose to honor him, because honoring him honors God. I pray for his well-being, his salvation, health and ministry. I never fought so hard for anything in my life and I know this fight wouldn't end after saying "I do". I am stronger each day that goes by and when we meet, I know the angels in heaven would be rejoicing because purpose is propelling into destiny.

A special thanks to both Ladies and Gents who have read My story, His Story and the final analysis. I have been greatly touched by your kind words. I would keep all of you in my prayers on your journey and please do the same for me. 

Ashley Joy


  1. I have a ring almost identical to the above one except my"true love waits" is on the outside with 1Tim. 4:12 inscribed, also. Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoy following you on twitter and the encouragement you give. @happygigglgirl

  2. This is powerful and amazing. I commend you for sharing and being open. Keep up the good fight and faith!

  3. Replies
    1. This is awesome & a great inspiration to all the single women out here living & struggling with the everyday struggles of being a single women. It takes lots of focus, determination, meditation, commitment & most of all prayer/supplication to be so in the will of God that all worldly things does not matter. I thank God for this, it really blessed my soul as I myself am a single women seeking God's plan for my life (husband)! My prayers are with you always! Continue to allow God to use you in every way possible. Blessings!

  4. You are truly a woman of God that I look up to. I truly thank you, and may God continue blessing you!!!

  5. This is such a beautiful post. You have no idea how I have also battled with these same points but only recently has God given me the revelation. This post has been the icing on the cake. I am single, but I am not defeated or desperate. I am also getting to know me and give my whole being, body, mind and soul to the King knowing I first have to be obedient to Him before I can do so with the man He has fashioned. I pray God continues to use you mightily for His work and the reward He has in store for you, may you never loose. Sister, keep being a blessing. I will be praying for you by the grace of God.

  6. I really enjoyed reading all of the blog entries on being single, saved and celibate. Thanks for sharing and God bless

  7. Wow Ashely this Blog is Amazing. Although it has made me relive most of my past, I also seek it as confirmation as to what my main focus should be. Keep up the GREAT work Girly I'm proud of You!!!!!!!!

  8. I really enjoyed reading this. God bless you sis!

  9. It's so refreshing to hear your story. In our sex driven culture, celibacy is just not cool!! Thank-you for publicly sharing your story and the Hope behind it! I love your correlation to Ruth/Boaz. The idea of being busy with the Lord's work until that man comes along is too often overlooked, which would definitely help the young women in my church who are desperately waiting for a husband!! Can you tell me from where this quote (“The woman who is content with where God has her in life, who is content in her singleness, is not vulnerable to the emotional persuasion of foolish men who wander through her life.”) is taken?

  10. Hi Lola, I read it somewhere a long time ago. I am unsure for who the Author is. I wish I can help you more :( God Bless!

  11. I loved your story! Such an awesome testimony of faith! Peace and blessings!