Monday, February 23, 2015

Single, but not Satisfied!

“If I never give you the husband you desire, will I be enough?” God asked.

That’s the question I faced years ago. That question was the beginning of an era of finding truth and existence outside of being someone’s somebody. I ended a four-year relationship that was full of turmoil, lies, cheating, and hurt. We were very young, and we knew nothing about relationships, especially having a relationship that honored God—yet, we both called ourselves Christians.

Nonetheless, God saved me from what could have been a disaster.  I knew that if I truly wanted to live a full life in Him and be the woman He was calling me to be, I had to say no to myself and yes to Him. The prayer simply went like this: “God, take the desire for love and relationship from me until it’s the right season. And if it’s not Your will for me to be married, may I be content and satisfied in You alone.”

I was on this journey for five years, not fully knowing what the outcome would be but trusting God with my whole heart.

See, Sister, our desire for marriage is good—like desiring a car or a job if we don’t have one. These are not bad desires—unless we aren’t content in our portion and we make these things idols. The idea that having these possessions will cure all loneliness and bring satisfaction is false. You could end up getting that husband and idolizing him and making him your god. Our satisfaction, with or without a spouse, should be in Christ alone.

Contrary to popular opinion, one may desire love, marriage, and family, but it is not God’s will for everyone. You may be thinking, “God will give me the desires of my heart.” Let’s look at this scripture in context.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.” (Psalm 37:4–6 NIV).

Do you trust that God’s will for your life is best—even if He never sends that husband you desire? Would you still do good works and not get weary? To delight in someone means to experience great pleasure and joy in his or her presence. Who and what are you delighting in? Are you delighting in having a handsome man and beautiful children? Are you delighting in a wedding gown and choosing bridesmaids? Are you delighting in having someone to take cute Instagram and Facebook pictures with?

The most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children but serving God. These earthly pleasures are momentary. Our reward is not “I do” but “well done.” 

Sis, I would be the first to tell you that singleness is not easy for those who desire marriage. It wasn’t until my third year of singleness that God prompted me to rest in Him and stop worrying about when or if a husband was coming. He took the desire out of my heart until it was my season. The year I met my husband was the same year I had the desire again for relationship and marriage. How awesome is our God?!

I know now my future was not secured, promised, or guaranteed by having a family but by looking to God. My spirit and emotional fulfillment were not in finding the perfect mate. I believe if God had never awakened that desire in me again, my purpose would have been fulfilled in traveling, writing, and ministering to women—as I did before I met my husband. As single, Christian men and women, our lives affirm the goodness of God.

When I was single, the church made marriage feel like this elite club that you would get rewarded with when you lived the perfect single life—as though God grants marriage as a second blessing to the satisfied and sanctified. What this idea truly creates is many women and men with a sense of false humility, but God clearly sees their heart. He knows when He is not the center of their life, when they are simply in His presence for His presents. That’s why you see women experiencing frustration when things aren’t done in their timing; they may leave the church and handpick their own family. It seems the church promises, as soon as you’re satisfied in God alone, He’ll bring someone special into your life—as though God’s blessings are earned by our contentment.

Singleness should not be viewed as a curse or an indication that there is something wrong with the single man or woman. While most people marry and the Bible seems to indicate that it is a good thing, a single Christian is in no sense a second class Christian. As 1 Corinthians 7 indicates, singleness is, if anything, a higher calling. As with everything else in life, we should ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) concerning marriage. Following God’s plan, whether that be marriage or singleness, will result in the productivity and joy that God desires for us.

Once again, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying there will not be times of loneliness. I'm not saying you won't ever wonder why you're still single. But I am saying you will never, ever be sorry for trusting, obeying, and waiting on the Lord.

Does God give you the desires of your heart? Yes—and even more. However, these desires must align with His will for your life. They may be different than you ever thought you wanted. “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord” (Isaiah 55:8 NIV). He has extraordinary plans for you, but you must put Him first in your life.

Keynote Speaking Summer 2013 in Houston, Texas!

Love and Light,

Ashley Joy


  1. I started off 2015 praying that God would truly be enough for me. That He will satisfy me and that I will no longer put the idol of marriage before Him. Ashley, thank you for writing this blog as it hit home for me in many ways. I saw myself so clearly it was like holding up a mirror. This confirmed my prayer and convicted me that I still have a way to go. I pray many blessings to you for sharing.

  2. Amen. Thank you for a seasonal message. Continued blessings A.J.S.

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing this! Just the encouragement I needed! God bless!

  5. This blog was perfect for me and right on time. I was so discontent in my singleness. I've been single for four years and the Lord shared with me that He wasn't going to bring my husband til years from now. This blog ignited passion for purpose despite my circumstance. Thank you AJS!

  6. How Awesome! I love your blog and I'm so BLESSED to see another sister think like me (oups! Like Christ! ;)
    He is Our very Portion, Forever. xxx

  7. I really enjoyed your blog post. I recently purposed in my heart that I'm OKAY being single. My thoughts are no longer fantasies about marriage and a husband - honestly I had made it an idol. And I thank God for that deliverance and the contentment that I am currently experiencing in Him alone - it feels so good to just be happy and content in JESUS. You are so right that this isn't an easy place to get to and stay in - it takes the help of The Holy Spirit daily along with a surrendered heart to the will of God. I had many depressed and lonely days. Many days that the devil told me that no one would ever want a girl like me. Many days that I thought God didn't even care about me. But I've learn to denounce the LIES of the enemy and realize that the devil desires for us to be discontent with the portion instead of grateful. Lately, my prayer has been, if a husband comes great but if not that's okay as well because I'm learning daily to be content in God alone - and it feels good sis. This is the happiest I've been in a long time. I can't fully say that my desire for marriage, a husband, and children are gone but it's definitely no longer an idol and I don't view those things as a source of contentment anymore or a prize but rather blessings from the One who I'm already content in. God bless you.

  8. Thank u so much. God bless you. This article was a blessing to my soul!!!